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College degree to pilot, high school diploma to fix
It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
| Print article | This entry was posted by helpmeobiwan on 01/26/07 at 11:00:57 am . Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. |
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03/15/10 @ 09:48:23 am
Love this, just what's needed when you're home ill.
'Aircraft handles funny' is my favorite too, I lol'd.
03/22/10 @ 06:52:29 pm
P: Stick very loose.
S: Replaced nut behind the stick.
03/22/10 @ 08:42:26 pm
Haha...haha...made me laugh outloud...i'll be sending this to friends haha
03/22/10 @ 09:11:10 pm
God dammit now the whole world knows they took my hammer.
03/23/10 @ 09:26:01 pm
http://www.digtriad.com/news/investigative/fact_fiction/article.aspx?storyid=110931&catid=218
notice how its the exact same thing, new airliner, but 2 years prior to this post.
03/24/10 @ 12:52:37 am
The ability to fix a plane takes a very different type of intelligence than it takes to get a college degree. It doesn't worry me at all.
03/25/10 @ 12:48:03 am
@whatever - This has been floating around since the '90s, when I remember seeing it as Qantas. Fact or fiction, it's still Damn Funny.
03/28/10 @ 12:25:39 pm
There is a misnomer in the intro for this. It says "Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident." This is not true.
They are the only major airline who has never lost a plane. There have been accidents, one of which did total the plane. But Qantas wanted to be able to keep their claim to fame about "never having lost a plane," so they rebuilt the plane, and it was put on the line again. (It may have since been retired, I'm not sure)
04/17/10 @ 10:04:11 pm
This list has been around for years. The first time I saw it was in the early '90s on a piece of paper. It was supposed to be about US Air Force pilots and mechanics. "IFF" stands for "Identify Friend or Foe", and is only available on military aircraft. Funny enough to stand the test of time.
05/07/10 @ 11:10:05 am
These jokes are great though you are very daft
I'm in college right now to become an aircraft maintenance engineer, and in case you hadn't noticed there's no lack of intelligence in the mechanics responses just an abundance of humor. Thanks.
08/19/10 @ 02:05:59 am
Great stuff. I can relate. I worked as an aircraft mechanic in my early 20's (long ago). My only gripe here is I went to school AFTER high school to earn my airframe and power-plant license. And I 'm not sure about commercial aviation, but private pilots don't need a collage degree. Least not in the USA.
08/19/10 @ 09:24:37 am
This came around a few years ago via email but it was the UPS pilots that were making the comments. Part of the basis for this was that UPS has never crashed and it is because how well their mechanics maintain the planes.
08/19/10 @ 09:48:59 am
Target radar hums?? Target? In a Quantas aircraft?
BTW: This was humorous when I first saw it in the late 1990s.
08/20/10 @ 12:36:24 am
These exact quotes have been posted around the web saying they are from UPS, Fedex, ERAU, etc. No airline would have IFF in their aircraft, just the military. There are many mechanics who go to college for their training, and college is NOT required to fly for an airline.
These are still funny regardless.
08/21/10 @ 04:37:21 pm
You know these aren't from Qantas, they are from Air Force debriefings.
08/23/10 @ 02:29:38 pm
That was funny. Who cares where it came from or if it's true. It's the internet nothing is true. Did it make you laugh? NO? Well then go fly a kite or something.
08/23/10 @ 04:23:36 pm
I love the jokes but the initial description is wrong, pilot's don't even technically need a diploma let alone a college education, as for the mechanic, that's a associates degree.
08/23/10 @ 10:02:36 pm
i'll grant they are a little humorous, but no airline is going to allow these type of remarks on official documentation. i don't give a damn when they supposedly happened or to which one. the FAA would have their ass, not to mention the insurance companies.
08/24/10 @ 07:39:22 am
this was just sent to my boyfriend since he's an airline mechanic. He wrote back: Actually it is the opposite. Airline mechanics have to have an A&P license, which requires 2 1/2 years of college training. The only thing a pilot needs is a GED, and a bunch of flight hours.
08/24/10 @ 07:23:48 pm
Where is the I LOVE IT Button!