An Israeli doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in
another, and have him looking for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor says. "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

An Illionois doctor, says. "You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois, put him in the White House and within SIX MONTHS, half the COUNTRY is looking for work."

How would you pronounce this child's name?

She spells her name...... "Le-a"
So... how would YOU pronounce her name?

Leah? ..................NO.
Lee - A? ........... NOPE.
Lay - a? ............ NOT A CHANCE.
Lei?,,,,,,,,,,NICE TRY...BUT... GUESS AGAIN!

This child attends a school in Yonkers, New York.. Her mother is irrated because everyone is getting her name wrong. She says it's pronounced................. "Ledasha".

When the Mother was asked how in the world did she figured it should be pronounced that way....... she said......."cause the dash don't be silent!" So, if you see this name come across your desk like this... please remember to pronounce the dash. And... if anyone axe you why, tell them it's 'cause the dash don't be silent!

(thanks to Matt for sending this in)

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!'

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.'

She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'

John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'

'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the
pub with a toast about you, Mary.'

She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married.
There was only one little thing
bothering me...
It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was
near me, and I always
got more than a nice view. It had to be
deliberate. Because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I
arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for
me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock,
and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,
just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door,
and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And
the moral of this story is:

Always
keep your condoms in your car.

Huge expose by four defectors of the Church of Scientology. read the article.